MaeLyn's Musings

I've always loved water. I grew up in southern California, near the beach, and I loved to watch the waves come in and retreat, ebbing and flowing. I like to watch the sunlight reflect off the ripples, forming dancing patterns on the surface. I like how moving water feels on my skin when I wash my hands or dip my toes in a stream. In a conversation recently with one of my sisters in which we were talking about personality types, I told her that I felt that I was like water. Since then, I've been thinking more about this topic. Imagine a river flowing downhill. Water won't flow up a hill; if it needs to get to the other side of the hill, the river will go around it. It will avoid confrontation and conflict as much as possible. Where there are boulders in its path, the river changes course temporarily to go around them before resuming its course. Smaller things, like stones or debris may get picked up and carried for a while if the underlying current is strong enough. ...

In Relief Society, our leaders have a tradition of asking what good news the sisters have at the beginning of our meetings. Yesterday, because it was fast Sunday, the young women had joined us for our opening exercises, and Hannah encouraged me to say something. In an effort to oblige her, I raised my hand, and when called on, said the first thing that came to mind, "My children go back to school this week." From the row behind me came another sister's quick response, "Well I love my children!" with a tone that clearly implied that I do not. The conversation quickly turned to other topics and probably passed out of everyone else's minds, but not mine. I. was. mortified. (mortify:  cause (someone) to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or humiliated.) Part of me wished the ground would open up and swallow me. Another part of me never wanted to volunteer a comment in Relief Society ever again. I felt misunderstood and misjudged. I wished I'd had an opportuni...

The wind is howling outside. As I walked home from dropping the kids off at school, the thought crossed my mind, "What would happen if one of those huge, dead looking branches broke off in this wind and hit me in the head? If I fell to the ground unconscious, who would stop to help? How long would I lie there before someone came to my rescue or called 911 or something? If someone did help me, would they be able to figure out who I am or who to contact? Or who to bill for any medical treatment I might need? I did have my cell phone in my pocket, so I figured that they could go through my messages and contacts and find someone who would know who to contact. If I didn't have my cell phone on me, then what? Would anyone notice that I was missing until the kids get out of school and I don't come to pick up Peter?" Cheerful thoughts, aren't they? Also, I had this song in my head that I remember from my childhood. Unfortunately, I don't really know all the words. I...

I have a confession to make. Last Sunday we had Stake Conference, and it was one of those conferences where the stake president speaks, and the remainder of the conference is a broadcast from Salt Lake. I listened to the stake president talk about how we are all in Lehi's dream, and how we need to ignore the mockery of the world so we can enjoy the fruit of the tree of life. I paid attention to the talks about working with the missionaries to hasten the work of the gathering of Israel, and about how families are preparation for eternal life. I was interested in the talk about sacrifice and consecration. But I confess that during the last talk, the one about prayer, I was hearing the words, but I wasn't really paying attention to them. My excuse is that Peter's attention span was shot, and I was trying to help him endure to the end of the meeting, but there was probably a better way for me to do that than playing hangman with him. My notes for that final talk consisted ...

I went outside without a coat today. "What?" You're asking. "Why would you start a blog with that sentence? What does it matter whether or not you went out without a coat? What is significant about that???" The point it that it was warm enough that I could go out in just a sweater; I could take a bag of trash all the way around the building to the dumpster, and return to the house at a normal walking pace - all without freezing to death! Last week the temperatures were in single digits, and it wasn't until yesterday, finally, it really warmed up again, reaching the 40s, and snow from a week ago finally began to melt. This California Girl is grateful for warmth. I'm grateful that our heater is working again. I'm grateful for our water heater. I'm grateful for temperatures in the 40s and 50s that feel oddly warm in the middle of winter (Yes, I realize that it isn't technically winter yet... but it feels like it.)  It's kind of funny.....

Last night, the cold front moved in. We woke to a couple inches of snow on the ground and a few trillion more tiny snowflakes steadily falling. The world is white, and COLD! The electronic sign in front of the boys' school said it was 9 degrees when I dropped them off at school this morning. Brrrrr! Luckily, we all had coats, hats, scarves and mittens to help us keep warm. This morning, I was thinking some more about Zeniff and his people in the Book of Mormon. I realized that I still have some questions that weren't answered during Institute yesterday (because there wasn't a good opportunity to ask). I don't know if anyone can give a decisive answer on them until we have opportunity to talk to the people involved themselves, but I though I'd put them out here in case any of my readers have any ideas about them. 1. Why would a righteous king pass the kingdom on to a wicked son? Zeniff was a righteous guy. Under his leadership, the Nephites fought their battles ...

Recently, I have come to a realization about myself. I don't know how general it is, but I have a suspicion that it applies to most of us. This is it: The more likely that someone else can or will take responsibility for something, the less likely that I will - unless I have strong feelings that I can do it better than anyone else, or it is something I naturally enjoy doing. For example: if I am in a class or a meeting, and someone asks for a volunteer for an assignment, the speed at which I raise my hand depends on the size of the group, and the speed of others to raise theirs. If it is a very small group, I am much more quick to volunteer than if there are many. In a larger group, the longer it takes for someone else to volunteer, the more likely I am to volunteer myself. This applies to societies we live in as well. In medieval times, a nobleman would have serfs living on his property, that he took responsibility for. These serfs often didn't have many resources or ed...

The light of the morning sun just begins to peer over the tops of the mountains, revealing the shapes of majestic pine trees. A concealing mist rises gently from the ground. Out of the dimness, figures appear, mounting rustic wooden towers. Lights appear, and the dark figures resolve into boy scouts in uniform blowing trumpets from the tops of the towers in a growing fanfare. Other trumpeters appear and join in from other heights until we are surrounded by beautiful music. Suddenly, two scouts drop from overhead, rappelling down long ropes, bearing giant flags - a scout flag, and the American Stars and Stripes. A scout calls for the audience to stand and salute, and thousands of voices join in reciting, in unison, the Pledge of Allegiance. No sooner has the Pledge been completed, than hundreds of cub scouts run forward to sing the National Anthem, with the accompaniment of a full orchestra I hadn't even realized was playing. Tears are streaming down my face, and I don't underst...

Yesterday felt a little crazy. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it was my first day serving in my newest calling as official ward chorister. Maybe because I was teaching in Relief Society, and I didn't feel like the lesson really came together for me until that morning, even though I had been reading and thinking about it for weeks. For whatever reason, I was grateful when church was over yesterday, and even then, I still felt kind of tense and wound up. A shower thought yesterday: First, where I'm coming from: I recently acquired a copy of Added Upon by Nephi Smithson at a stake church book exchange. I read it this past week, and enjoyed the renewed perspective that this life is only one stage of our eternal progression, that we existed before we were born, and we will continue to exist after we die.  Also, while I was preparing for my lesson yesterday morning (before I even got out of bed), Steven mentioned the manifesto, which is the official statement that the Chu...

I've mentioned before that I do my best thinking in the shower. The boys don't have school today, so other thinking time may be limited, so here's what you get today. Today's thought: A testimony (what you believe is true) can be shared with words. Your conversion (what you do with what you believe is true) can only be shared through your actions.

At times throughout my life I have wished that my hair had some natural curl to it. Now I am discovering hairs on my head that do have a natural, kinky curl - they are white, and I don't like them.

Death. It's a one syllable word that means a lot. It means not being able to see and talk to someone again in this life. It means separation, sorrow, and grief. To those of us who believe in an afterlife, it means passing through a "veil", and entering into a spirit world, or returning home to the God who created us. Some deaths seem easier to deal with than others. All of my grandparents have passed away. While I was sad when they went, and I miss them, it was easy for me to accept. They were elderly. I could understand it being their time to go. Their deaths didn't come as a big surprise. More difficult to accept was when my cousin Jody, who was a little younger than me, and his wife died in a car accident several years ago, leaving their very young daughter an orphan. There was surprise that they were taken so young, but mostly there was sorrow for what it would mean for their daughter, to not have the opportunity to know her parents in this life. Even more...

I read a blog this morning which was written by someone I don't know. She is a mother of three children, all under the age of four. She was wondering what her contribution was, or as I interpreted it, where was her source for a sense of accomplishment? She explained, when you go to school, you get your grades that tell you how you are doing. When you go to work, you get a pay check, which shows how you are doing. When you are volunteer for various causes, you can say, "Hi, I'm fill in name here, and I do _______________." With her young children, she was a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), she was finding less time to volunteer, and she was wondering what her contribution to society was. She claimed that she was an incompetent housekeeper, that she doesn't cook great meals for her children - her children wouldn't eat them if she did. She couldn't even say she was helping to raise a great next generation; she felt like raising her children was a gamble, and she...

In the movie, Song of the South, Brer Rabbit has a laughing place. I don't remember much of the movie, but I do remember a part where Brer Fox and Brer Bear had Brer Rabbit tied up, ready to roast, and Brer Rabbit starts laughing. Brer Bear asks, "Why you laughin?" "I's thinkin' about my laughin' place!" replies Brer Rabbit. Brer Bear wants to see this laughin' place, but Brer Rabbit asks, "How can I show you where it is when I'm all tied up?" Although Brer Fox is sure it is a trick, they allow Brer Rabbit to lead them to his laughing place, which happens to be a clump of bushes containing a bee hive. When a sore Brer Bear complains that he isn't laughing, Brer Rabbit replies, "I didn't say it was YOUR laughing place; I said it was MY laughing place!" Brer Bear and Brer Fox get into a fight with the bees, and Brer Rabbit manages to escape, laughing. I thought about this story this morning, while I was in...

Did you ever wish that in your home, you had a room of requirement - like at Hogwarts, a room that would change to meet your exact needs at any given moment? Or maybe even several of them? Steven and I were discussing this last night, and here were a few of the ideas we came up with that we would like to have: 1. A children's playroom. This would include sound-proof walls (except maybe if someone were in serious pain and needed help...) and an ever changing supply of appropriate toys and activities the children could do.  Any toys removed from this room would be automatically sucked back into it as soon as a child was done playing with it. This room would ideally never be seen by parents' eyes.    1b. An offshoot of this room could be a Lego room, and would include a building table, bins for the different kinds of Legos, and a coinstar type sorter that you could dump assorted Legos in, and it would automatically sort them into their proper bins. Occasionally, the flo...

I have a lot to say today, and I'm not sure how to say it. I guess I'll start by saying thank you. Thank you to all those who have helped to make this Christmas a better time for our family. Thank you to the brother in our ward who is letting Steven hang out in his garage, lending his tools and expertise to help Steven make special gifts for the children for Christmas. Thank you to a young family in our ward - the husband brought us a bag of gifts on Sunday and said his wife wanted to get the kids something for Christmas. Thank you to the members of our HOA who a few weeks ago gave us a Christmas card filled with cash, which has funded the few gifts Steven and I will be able to give our children this year. Thank you to the anonymous person who left four bags of gifts on our doorstep sometime between Sunday evening and Monday morning. Thank you to the boyscout in our ward who's eagle project involved collecting hats for children at a local hospital - and giving u...

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that Steven really wasn't enjoying his job. He was working as an inventory clerk, something that it seemed like anyone could do, and all the advanced skills he had developed in the past were going to waste. The technology at the company was ancient (blue screen, DOS based programs), and frustrating to work with. Steven is used to knowing what he is supposed to be doing and being able to take charge and get it done. In this job he was being micro-managed, and occasionally being asked if he had yet done something that he'd had no idea he was supposed to do, or how to do it. In the past, Steven has always been very good at separating work and family - and not letting work cut into family time. He was frustrated when he received work related texts and emails in the evenings and weekends. Not happy with the situation, when he was approached about interviewing for another job, he agreed. This other job would involve being in charge of a new technology...

As some of you may know, Steven found a job and began working a week ago today. So far I have very mixed feelings about his new job. Pros Steven has a job with a large company. Steven is finally earning a paycheck comparable to what he was making two years ago. The job benefits include good health insurance and 401k matching. Steven gets out of the house so I get more done during the day. We don't have to move away from our home. The kids don't have to change schools or leave their friends. Steven's new job is across the freeway from a light rail station, so he could potentially take public transportation there and back when he gets comfortable with the idea.  I'm getting more exercise, riding a bike or walking when I need to get around during the day.  We will soon have money to spend on non-essentials again.  We can start paying off the loans we have borrowed over the last couple years. Cons After one week on the job, Steven doesn't seem to...

As I've mentioned before, Steven has been searching for a job for the last couple months. Over the last couple weeks, he has interviewed with a company called MC Dean, located in Dulles, Virginia. Yesterday morning, Steven received a phone call from them with a preliminary job offer. Steven accepted the offer, and now he is working to complete the drug tests, background checks, etc, after which the company will fly him out to Virginia to meet the big-wigs. (His interviews with this company were done via video chat.) After that, if there are no hiccups, we will move our family there and he will begin work. Life has suddenly become a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, to-do lists, and wonder. I am tremendously grateful that Steven has found a job. He feels less stressed and worried, I feel less stressed and worried. Soon, we will have money coming in again. This is a very, very good thing. I wonder why it had to be Virginia. I'm a California girl who has spent the last ten ...

The summer is coming to a close. We've had our back to school nights. We've bought school supplies. Hannah is attending her first day of school as I write this. The boys have one more weekend of freedom before they, too, will be back in school. I always approach the end of the school year with mixed feelings. I am happy to have more time with my children at home. I look forward to having time to teach them things I don't have time to teach them when they are in school all day. I look forward to outings to the park and the library. I look forward to not having the rigid schedules: of having to be at school at this time to drop them off, at that time to pick them up. I look forward to not having the morning stress of making sure lunches are packed, homework was completed and put in backpacks the night before, both shoes are present on sock covered feet. At the same time, I worry about the "boredom blues" and the bickering that comes with the summer. The first fe...