Responsibilities and Expectations

This morning was a challenge. It's hard for both kids and parents to adjust to having routines and schedules again after a relaxing summer, and today was evidence of that.

I have one child who needs more sleep than any of my others. He usually goes to sleep earlier than any one else, and he still has trouble getting up in the morning. Seminary started yesterday, and luckily he isn't old enough for seminary yet, because he comes to family scripture reading at 5:30, with his pillow and blankets, and only lifts his head from the pillow when it is his turn to read. As soon as we finish, before Steven leaves to take Hannah to seminary, he is the first to return to his bed.

I wake the kids up again at 7am. This is sufficient time for the kids to get dressed and get ready for school... or it should be. Two of my boys were dressed with lunches packed and shoes on and ready to go at 7:45, which is the time we aim to leave. The other one had stayed in bed until 7:30, and spent the next fifteen minutes getting mostly dressed, but when it was time to go, he still had bare feet, and he still needed to find his back pack and prepare his lunch. I let the boys who were ready leave on their own, and I waited for my slowpoke.

About 8:05, his lunch was finally ready, and he was just getting his shoes on and was ready to leave around the time that his class usually enters the school. When I reminded him of this, he started yelling at me for not helping him get ready. Please note that I had made sure he knew where his school uniform was, and made sure the bread was down where he could reach it. I also told him where his back pack was when he asked and gave him occasional reminders of what time it was when he was obviously distracted. I was frustrated and told him that if he had gotten up when I woke him up, he would have had plenty of time to get ready, and he wouldn't be late!

As we walked out the door, he asked if we were walking or if I was going to drive him. I suggested that he run, and I ran with him. We arrived at the school with racing hearts just as the last of the kindergartners were entering the building and the lucky boy still had almost five minutes before the late bell rang to get to class. (I aim to leave at 7:45 so we have time for a leisurely walk to school, the boys have time to talk with friends before school, and we have time to return home for forgotten items, etc. Also, all students at the boys' school receive free breakfast at the beginning of the school day this year, so I don't worry too much if my boys miss breakfast at home.)

As I was walking back home, I thought about what my responsibilities to him should be, and what I should be able to expect from him. Just brainstorming, I came up with this ('you' refers to him.):

What I will do for you:

1. Make sure you have a safe place to sleep every night.
2. Make sure there is food available to eat for meals so you won’t go hungry.
3. Make sure you own adequate clothing and shoes to wear to school, church, and for play.
4. Wash the laundry in your hamper on a regular basis and return them to you in your laundry bucket so you can have clean clothes to wear.
5. Provide a place for you to leave your shoes so they won’t get lost.
6. Wake you up at 7:00 so you have sufficient time to get ready for school.
7. Accompany you to school, and return for you after school so you will be safe.
8. Teach you the gospel and life skills so you can become a competent adult.
9. Give you hugs and spend time talking and playing with you so you will know I love you.
10. Give additional help when needed and/or asked for politely.

What I expect of you:

1. Get up and get yourself ready for school and be ready to go by 7:45 so you won’t be late.
2. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper so they will get washed.
3. Put away your clean clothes and shoes so you can find them when you need them.
4. Change out of your school uniform when you get home so it won’t get stained or torn.
5. Keep your bedroom straightened so you can find the things you need.
6. Do your homework when you get home from school so you won’t forget to do it.
7. Help to keep our home tidy so we all can find the things we need and so the Spirit can dwell here.
8. Pack your lunch so you will have food to eat at lunch time.
9. Go to bed at a reasonable hour so you will get enough sleep.
10. Ask politely when you need help or have questions.

I understand that I've probably forgotten several things that should be on this list (like something about getting along with siblings...), and that my list is probably different from what another parent would expect of their child of the same age. I realize that my expectations change as my children grow older, and I expect more of them. (For example, when my children turn 12, I teach them to wash their own laundry.) 

My hope is that I can use this as a starting point in a discussion with my child, and he will come to understand that there are things he is responsible for. He will learn natural consequences of not fulfilling those responsibilities, and that I will help him when he asks, but I won't bail him out. And hopefully, someday, our school mornings will go a little more smoothly.