Lost in a Whirlwind
The days pass quickly. It gets to the point where thinking back, it is difficult to even distinguish between one day and the next because they all blend into each other. Each day we awake and go through the established routines, getting the kids to school, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, fixing meals, sometimes going to meetings or other activities, but not much stands out. The days pass quickly, and each weekend I look back and realize another week has passed in a blink. Meanwhile my children are a little older. I'm a little older. I worry that someday I'm going to look back and realize that my children have grown and gone and that I missed it. Do I enjoy my children at the stage they are at? Do I appreciate that every moment only comes once?
Steven and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary in a few weeks. It seems amazing that ten years have passed. I still remember driving to the temple the morning we were married, when Steven presented me with a book, a collection of the poems he had written for me almost every day of our engagement. I still remember my bewilderment the day he asked me out on our first date: our junior prom. I vaguely remember gathering the courage to talk to him at school one day near the beginning of our sophomore year, to complement him on something he had done in seminary that morning. Sometimes it seems like it all happened long, long ago, and far, far away.
This week I will celebrate my birthday. I'll be thirty something, I think. It's funny how I have to stop and calculate my age these days. I remember as a child thinking that thirty was old. I don't feel old. In a lot of ways I feel the same now as I did when I was five. Will I still feel this way when I'm sixty? What about when I'm ninety, if I live that long? Will I still feel young when I have my children, grand children, and great grandchildren gathered around me? Will I look back and wonder how I got there? Will there still be moments that stand out to mark the passage of time, or will all the days blend together into nothingness? Will these days of shuttling kids to school and potty training seem like ancient history, or will they be entirely lost and forgotten in this whirlwind of passing time?
Steven and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary in a few weeks. It seems amazing that ten years have passed. I still remember driving to the temple the morning we were married, when Steven presented me with a book, a collection of the poems he had written for me almost every day of our engagement. I still remember my bewilderment the day he asked me out on our first date: our junior prom. I vaguely remember gathering the courage to talk to him at school one day near the beginning of our sophomore year, to complement him on something he had done in seminary that morning. Sometimes it seems like it all happened long, long ago, and far, far away.
This week I will celebrate my birthday. I'll be thirty something, I think. It's funny how I have to stop and calculate my age these days. I remember as a child thinking that thirty was old. I don't feel old. In a lot of ways I feel the same now as I did when I was five. Will I still feel this way when I'm sixty? What about when I'm ninety, if I live that long? Will I still feel young when I have my children, grand children, and great grandchildren gathered around me? Will I look back and wonder how I got there? Will there still be moments that stand out to mark the passage of time, or will all the days blend together into nothingness? Will these days of shuttling kids to school and potty training seem like ancient history, or will they be entirely lost and forgotten in this whirlwind of passing time?
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