A Learning Experience
It is never pleasant to have one's eyes pried open. I don't even like opening my eyes on those mornings when the sun is streaming in my window, but I'm not ready to wake up yet. And when it is the experience of having my horizons expanded, my understanding enlightened to something I wish I didn't have to be so aware of, it is uncomfortable for me. And yet, over the last few months, that is what has happened to me.
I'm not sure what started it all, but I do remember a little over a month ago, one of my children asking me something about why people are gay. I told them I didn't know. I had heard enough over the years that I strongly suspected it wasn't just a choice that some people made, but it was hard for me to believe that people would be born naturally with such a difficult tendency towards a lifestyle that is sinful.
In General Conference, a month ago, I was uplifted. By the end, I felt the need to repent, to forgive, to not judge others, but to be loving. I learned that the Lord gives us trials and adversity to strengthen us. I was reminded that we all need the Lord's atonement. I learned that this life is a test, and a training for happiness. I was told that life gets better as we turn towards the family. I learned to seek revelation and inspiration, and to value the guidance that I receive.
A couple weeks ago I was on the internet, and clicked on a link a friend posted on Facebook that brought me to a YouTube video. I watched it, and then clicked on a similar video listed at the side, and from there I felt compelled to watch another, until I had been watching these videos for quite a while. These videos were messages from the BYU USGA (Understanding Same-Gender Attraction). These were encouraging, loving messages from several BYU students with the theme, "It Gets Better." As I watched, I came to understand several things that I never really thought about or understood before. I understood that same-gender attraction is something that people are born with. It isn't a choice or the result of abuse or upbringing. I understood that it is a trial, just as much as autism or cancer, and that the people with this trial need love and acceptance just as much as, and probably even more than anyone else. I understood that people who experience same-gender attraction can still live righteous lives, hold temple recommends and serve in church callings.
The scripture in Mosiah 3:19 came to mind. "The natural man is an enemy to God." I understood, a little, what a serious trial this would be: that the same strong feelings I have for my husband, they could have for someone, and never be able to fulfill those feelings because it would be sinful. Someone who could have the moral fiber to live their lives righteously would have to be tremendously strong. I imagined they would have to build up a close relationship with their Savior to receive the strength and courage necessary. I was humbled by these thoughts, and my perception of gay people in general changed. I realized that I could never judge them, because I had no idea what struggles they went through, whether they chose to live that lifestyle or not.
A week ago I was reading a novel in which one of the characters realized for the first time that she was attracted to another woman, and I read her experiences, of never having felt attracted to men through her youth, even kissing them on occasion and feeling nothing and wondering if she was normal. By this point, I was wondering why my mind was being exposed to so many references to same-gender attraction. Was it just a strange coincidence or did God have something he was trying to tell me?
Yesterday morning I found out that someone in my family, who I love dearly, has been given this challenge in his life. When I read his blog where he announced it, my first thought was, "Oh! That's why." Over the last day, I've been thinking about what I've learned over the last month, and thinking about him and his family. I have a lot of respect for him, for the struggles he has gone through, and I wish that I had been a better listener, that I had been closer to him, or more aware of the struggles he has experienced. I realize that I will never fully understand what he is experiencing, but I can love him just as much as ever. I can pray that he can be blessed with comfort and strength. I can be grateful and humbled that he has endured so much hardship in his life and is still striving to follow God's plan for him.
My love and admiration for his wife has increased tremendously also, to know that he has this issue, and to love him and marry him and stay with him anyway. I can't even imagine the trial this must be for her. I am grateful that she is willing to be with him and help him have the family that he has always dreamed of having.
I am grateful that I was prepared to hear his message. I still have questions. I wonder if this is something that he will be relieved of eventually, or is this an integral part of who he is? When he rises in the resurrection with a perfected body, will this still be with him?
I think that God must have believed that he was strong enough to cope with this trial. I can only hope that if God ever saw fit to give me a trial as great as his, that I would be able to deal with it with the same integrity and strength of character.
I'm not sure what started it all, but I do remember a little over a month ago, one of my children asking me something about why people are gay. I told them I didn't know. I had heard enough over the years that I strongly suspected it wasn't just a choice that some people made, but it was hard for me to believe that people would be born naturally with such a difficult tendency towards a lifestyle that is sinful.
In General Conference, a month ago, I was uplifted. By the end, I felt the need to repent, to forgive, to not judge others, but to be loving. I learned that the Lord gives us trials and adversity to strengthen us. I was reminded that we all need the Lord's atonement. I learned that this life is a test, and a training for happiness. I was told that life gets better as we turn towards the family. I learned to seek revelation and inspiration, and to value the guidance that I receive.
A couple weeks ago I was on the internet, and clicked on a link a friend posted on Facebook that brought me to a YouTube video. I watched it, and then clicked on a similar video listed at the side, and from there I felt compelled to watch another, until I had been watching these videos for quite a while. These videos were messages from the BYU USGA (Understanding Same-Gender Attraction). These were encouraging, loving messages from several BYU students with the theme, "It Gets Better." As I watched, I came to understand several things that I never really thought about or understood before. I understood that same-gender attraction is something that people are born with. It isn't a choice or the result of abuse or upbringing. I understood that it is a trial, just as much as autism or cancer, and that the people with this trial need love and acceptance just as much as, and probably even more than anyone else. I understood that people who experience same-gender attraction can still live righteous lives, hold temple recommends and serve in church callings.
The scripture in Mosiah 3:19 came to mind. "The natural man is an enemy to God." I understood, a little, what a serious trial this would be: that the same strong feelings I have for my husband, they could have for someone, and never be able to fulfill those feelings because it would be sinful. Someone who could have the moral fiber to live their lives righteously would have to be tremendously strong. I imagined they would have to build up a close relationship with their Savior to receive the strength and courage necessary. I was humbled by these thoughts, and my perception of gay people in general changed. I realized that I could never judge them, because I had no idea what struggles they went through, whether they chose to live that lifestyle or not.
A week ago I was reading a novel in which one of the characters realized for the first time that she was attracted to another woman, and I read her experiences, of never having felt attracted to men through her youth, even kissing them on occasion and feeling nothing and wondering if she was normal. By this point, I was wondering why my mind was being exposed to so many references to same-gender attraction. Was it just a strange coincidence or did God have something he was trying to tell me?
Yesterday morning I found out that someone in my family, who I love dearly, has been given this challenge in his life. When I read his blog where he announced it, my first thought was, "Oh! That's why." Over the last day, I've been thinking about what I've learned over the last month, and thinking about him and his family. I have a lot of respect for him, for the struggles he has gone through, and I wish that I had been a better listener, that I had been closer to him, or more aware of the struggles he has experienced. I realize that I will never fully understand what he is experiencing, but I can love him just as much as ever. I can pray that he can be blessed with comfort and strength. I can be grateful and humbled that he has endured so much hardship in his life and is still striving to follow God's plan for him.
My love and admiration for his wife has increased tremendously also, to know that he has this issue, and to love him and marry him and stay with him anyway. I can't even imagine the trial this must be for her. I am grateful that she is willing to be with him and help him have the family that he has always dreamed of having.
I am grateful that I was prepared to hear his message. I still have questions. I wonder if this is something that he will be relieved of eventually, or is this an integral part of who he is? When he rises in the resurrection with a perfected body, will this still be with him?
I think that God must have believed that he was strong enough to cope with this trial. I can only hope that if God ever saw fit to give me a trial as great as his, that I would be able to deal with it with the same integrity and strength of character.
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