Hoping for a Change for the Better

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I called my neurologist's office this morning and asked if they could change my prescription to something different. I haven't broken out into a horribly deadly rash. I haven't been contemplating suicide. I haven't even had a seizure recently. But life has been hard for me these last three weeks.

At first I wasn't sure if I wasn't just coming down with a cold or something. But day after day, I've felt tired and drained... and a bit spacey.  I felt like I would on a fast Sunday when I've gone without food and water for 24 hours, except that I've been eating and drinking normally. I've felt like I do when I'm sleep deprived, but I've been getting the same amount of sleep as I normally do, if not a bit more because I've been so tired.

A few days ago it occurred to me that the seizures I am experiencing are a symptom of some condition of which the doctors don't have a clue, and that I am taking a medication daily that is having a draining effect on me just in case I happen to encounter this annoying symptom that day. I had this image pop into my head:

I had a talk with my bishop yesterday (he is in the medical profession and knows stuff) and he convinced me that different seizure medicines affect people in different ways and that another medicine might be better for me. I might have to try a few before I find a good fit... which isn't a good prospect either. 

But at the moment, hardly a day goes by that I don't think about how tired I am...
...and how difficult it is just to think...
   ... which is because of the medicine that I'm taking...
      ... which is because of the seizures that I might have if I don't take it ...
         ... and I don't want to think about the seizures every day of my life. I want to be able to forget about them. I want them to be swallowed up in just another pill I take before I go to bed without pondering on the reasons. 

I heard back from the doctor... rather than change to a different medication, she wants me to go back to a half dose. Apparently I'm sensitive to new medications and it will take me several weeks to get used to it, so while I will need 200-300 mg for the medication to be effective, I can only be on 100 mg /day right now so my body and brain can get used to it. And the medication I'm on right now is one of the milder seizure medications out there... Yay.

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