The Trouble With Fun
A few days ago, I read a blog which made me realize that I have made a serious mistake as a mother. I have unconsciously convinced my children that life is about having fun. I don't know exactly when it started. Maybe it was when they started school and I would send them off telling them to "have fun today." Maybe it was when I would try to begin a conversation at the dinner table by asking, "Who had fun today?" Maybe it was when my children would return home from school, an activity, or a friend's house, and the first thing I would ask them was, "Did you have fun?"
At any rate, the damage has been done. In the children's prayers, they frequently ask, "please bless that we will have a fun day today." I have one child who has recently made a habit of asking, "What can I do that is fun?" And if I ask this child to do any chores, the response is frequently, "But that's not fun!"
I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having fun. After all, The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that "successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." Having fun is fine, but that shouldn't be our sole goal in life. My children need to get past the "eat, drink and be merry" frame of mind and realize that life is about working and learning and serving as much as it is about having fun. In the words of Dr. Seuss, "It is fun to have fun but you have to know how."
So, the last couple days, I've been trying to change the questions I ask my children. I'm trying to use the word "fun" less - not ask about it, not focus on it. Kids are kids and they will have fun, but as a parent, I'm making a choice to de-emphasize it. The blog I read had a list of alternate questions at the end. They included: "Did you learn something?" "Did you feel productive?" "Did you work hard?" "Did you try your best?" "Were you a good friend?" "Did you try something new?" "Did you push yourself?" "Did you make some one's day better?" "Did you create something?" "Did you grow?" "Did you discover something?" "Did you change the world today, even in a small way?" I would add to this list: "Did you do an act of service today?" "Did you feel grateful for something today?" "Did you make a new friend?" "Did you set a good example today?" "Were you a missionary today?"
Yesterday, as we were walking home from school, instead of asking Peter if he had fun at school, I asked him one of these alternate questions. He told me about how he had been honest, that he had been told to sit on the wall at recess because he hadn't done his homework the night before (he had accidentally left it at school), and how he did sit on the wall even though none of the other kids who were supposed to suffer the same punishment were doing it. Sitting on the wall hadn't been fun, but Peter had been honest and served his punishment and he felt good about that.
I hope that as I focus less on having fun, that my children will realize that they can gain satisfaction and joy from working and serving and learning, even if their experiences aren't exactly fun.
At any rate, the damage has been done. In the children's prayers, they frequently ask, "please bless that we will have a fun day today." I have one child who has recently made a habit of asking, "What can I do that is fun?" And if I ask this child to do any chores, the response is frequently, "But that's not fun!"
I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with having fun. After all, The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that "successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." Having fun is fine, but that shouldn't be our sole goal in life. My children need to get past the "eat, drink and be merry" frame of mind and realize that life is about working and learning and serving as much as it is about having fun. In the words of Dr. Seuss, "It is fun to have fun but you have to know how."
So, the last couple days, I've been trying to change the questions I ask my children. I'm trying to use the word "fun" less - not ask about it, not focus on it. Kids are kids and they will have fun, but as a parent, I'm making a choice to de-emphasize it. The blog I read had a list of alternate questions at the end. They included: "Did you learn something?" "Did you feel productive?" "Did you work hard?" "Did you try your best?" "Were you a good friend?" "Did you try something new?" "Did you push yourself?" "Did you make some one's day better?" "Did you create something?" "Did you grow?" "Did you discover something?" "Did you change the world today, even in a small way?" I would add to this list: "Did you do an act of service today?" "Did you feel grateful for something today?" "Did you make a new friend?" "Did you set a good example today?" "Were you a missionary today?"
Yesterday, as we were walking home from school, instead of asking Peter if he had fun at school, I asked him one of these alternate questions. He told me about how he had been honest, that he had been told to sit on the wall at recess because he hadn't done his homework the night before (he had accidentally left it at school), and how he did sit on the wall even though none of the other kids who were supposed to suffer the same punishment were doing it. Sitting on the wall hadn't been fun, but Peter had been honest and served his punishment and he felt good about that.
I hope that as I focus less on having fun, that my children will realize that they can gain satisfaction and joy from working and serving and learning, even if their experiences aren't exactly fun.
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