Taking Offense

When I was a child, I heard the words "take offense" and understood them as "take a fence", and I wondered why people would want to take a heavy fence and carry it around with them just because someone said something that they didn't like. After all, life is much simpler and easier without a fence strapped to our back! I'm older, and I realize the mistake of my youth, and yet I still appreciate that life is a lot easier without adding loads onto our backs, whether or not the person who said the words intended to hurt us or not.

In institute this morning, we spent the majority of the time discussing chapters 60 and 61 of Alma. Chapter 60 is the one where Captain Moroni writes a harsh and condemning letter to Pahoran, accusing him of neglect, slothfulness, idleness, of sitting on his throne in a state of thoughtless stupor, and calling him a traitor to his country because Pahoran, as the chief judge and governor of the Nephites, had not sent the much needed food, supplies and men to the armies in the field that were fighting and dieing to defend them from the Lamanites.

And then chapter 61 is Pahoran's humble and forgiving response, calmly explaining the situation that Moroni was not aware of - that a rebellion had driven him out of the capital city and disrupted the supply lines, and Pahoran rejoiced in the help that Moroni had given him to decide what to do.

We discussed ways that we can avoid taking offense, such as using our sense of humor, trying to see the other person's perspective, not taking things personally, trying to be humble, biting our tongue, and going to the Lord in prayer. It was pointed out that taking offense is a choice that we make. Nephi said, "the guilty take the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center." (1 Ne 16:2) If someone says something that makes us want to be offended, perhaps we should take a step back and think about why we feel that way, and be humble enough to recognize if we feel offended because there is truth in what was said.

It was also pointed out that we can't go through life fearful of speaking for fear of offending people. Moroni obviously wasn't afraid of offending Pahoran when he wrote his letter of chastisement. He said what needed to be said from his point of view. Our teacher mentioned the words that a stake president told a bishop, that if in five years he hadn't offended somebody, he wasn't doing his job right.

I recognize that I am a person who is more likely to offend others than I am to be offended myself. I have a tendency to say things as I see them, and I'm not always aware of others' circumstances so my words may seem harsh. I may offend out of thoughtlessness, but I never intend to be offensive. I'm more likely to want to take offense if I already recognize a weakness in myself and others seem to be "rubbing it in", and I shouldn't because they can't know everything that I'm thinking and feeling.

Pahoran will always be a great example of one who chose not to take offense, even when chastised and condemned, and who forgave freely. He set a wonderful example!