Responsibility

Recently, I have come to a realization about myself. I don't know how general it is, but I have a suspicion that it applies to most of us. This is it:

The more likely that someone else can or will take responsibility for something, the less likely that I will - unless I have strong feelings that I can do it better than anyone else, or it is something I naturally enjoy doing.

For example: if I am in a class or a meeting, and someone asks for a volunteer for an assignment, the speed at which I raise my hand depends on the size of the group, and the speed of others to raise theirs. If it is a very small group, I am much more quick to volunteer than if there are many. In a larger group, the longer it takes for someone else to volunteer, the more likely I am to volunteer myself.

This applies to societies we live in as well. In medieval times, a nobleman would have serfs living on his property, that he took responsibility for. These serfs often didn't have many resources or education, and they relied on the nobility to take responsibility for them. In the course of time and revolution, individuals acquired greater means to provide for themselves, and as the feudal system broke up, and the nobles weren't seen as filling their responsibilities, individuals began to take responsibility for their own needs.

Early pioneers and homesteaders had to be very responsible - there wasn't anyone else around to rely on. If something needed to be done, they had to do it themselves. If they couldn't do it themselves, they had to go out and find someone who could help them with it. In small farming communities, neighbors felt a great responsibility to help each other, because there wasn't a large pool of resources that community members could draw on. As neighborhoods and communities got larger, and as they elected leaders (mayors, city counsels, governors, presidents, etc), that sense of personal responsibility diminished, because there were more people available who could take on that responsibility. In large cities, it is common for people to ignore things like litter or graffiti because it is "someone else's problem".  The bigger the city, the more we assume that someone else will clean it up; someone else will take care of it. The more people that are around, the more we assume that someone else will help a person in need. (See bystander effect.) Often, "someone else" means some form of government. We want our elected "noblemen" to take care of us again.

At home, I am my own children's worst enemy when it comes to developing responsibility. Why? Because I want them to be happy and healthy, and because I care about the state of my house more than they do. My children have certain rooms of the house that, as members of the family, they are supposed to be responsible for keeping tidy. However, they are perfectly capable of "forgetting" to do their chores, realizing that if company is coming over, or if I just get fed up with the mess (realizing that if I don't do it, it won't happen) I will clean it myself.

When one of my children can't find a shoe, instead of taking responsibility and searching for it, they can wait until it is time to leave for school, and then tell me it is missing, and I will go searching, while they go off to search elsewhere (and usually get distracted with a toy) until I find shoes for them to wear - because we need to get to school and the school won't let them show up barefoot.

My children are also responsible for packing their lunches for school. Occasionally, they have forgotten their lunches at home. In my mind, the natural consequence for forgetting their lunch should be going hungry for one meal, or else, as I've encouraged them to do, call me early in the day so I can bring it to them before lunch time. Unfortunately, the school doesn't see things the way I do. If a child shows up without a lunch, they send them through the cafeteria lunch line, and bill the parents for the lunch. Consequence for the child: absolutely nothing. Why? Because the school takes the responsibility for feeding the child, because "no child should go hungry."

Some parents have taken back the responsibility of educating their children by homeschooling them. To those parents I have a lot of respect. It is something that I have thought about from time to time, but I have never felt completely satisfied that the education I could offer them at home would be as complete or as beneficial to them as the opportunities they receive at school. In other words, I don't yet feel that I can do it better than the school can, and so I allow the school to retain that responsibility.

There are other things that people increasingly give up responsibility for. Sometimes we give up responsibility due to health reasons - we are no longer healthy enough to work, so we may cede the responsibility of providing for our needs to family members or government programs. Sometimes we give up responsibility because someone else takes on that responsibility. Do we feel the responsibility to defend ourselves, or do we rely on police or the military to do that for us? Do we feel the responsibility to teach our children to be honest, to be helpful, kind, responsible? Or do we believe that the school or the community will do that for us?

Often, it is the most well-meaning people who can do the most damage to our sense of responsibility. When I find my children's shoes for them because we're in a hurry and I want my children's feet to be protected, I am teaching my children that they don't have to take responsibility for keeping track of their shoes because I will do that for them. We all want certain things for those we care about, but sometimes the best way to help them is to teach them how to help themselves. The more we do for them, the less we are really helping them. We need to teach people how to fish, not just give them fish. We need to "teach them correct principles, then [let them] govern themselves" (Joseph Smith). We need to encourage people to ask what they can do for their country, not what their country can do for them. (John F. Kennedy)

I am reminded of a great debate that was held a very long time ago: "I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor" (Moses 4:1) Someone offered to take the responsibility for our souls away from us. And there were many who followed after him. What responsibilities are we willing to relinquish? Which responsibilities should we fight to the end to hold on to? What would happen to our nation, or our world, if everyone gave up all sense of personal responsibility?

Edited to add: I just came across this article, "The Mormon Effect".  It discusses the importance of agency. I would suggest you read it!