Eternal Marriage

Yesterday, I got to teach Lesson 15 of Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith, entitled, "Eternal Marriage".

One of my biggest concerns about teaching this lesson was trying to make everyone feel included when our Relief Society includes newlyweds and sisters who have been married for sixty years, single sisters who have never been married, and single sisters who have been divorced. There is also a sister who has worked with abused women, and I knew that if I wasn't careful, the topic easily could be diverted in a direction that I didn't care to go.

I began by asking the question, "What are the characteristics and qualities of a 'perfect' marriage (i.e. one you would want to last for eternity)?" We spent several minutes coming up with answers and writing them on the board - things like love, friendship, same values, commitment, trust, acceptance of each other, forgiveness, encouraging to reach potential, sense of humor, etc.  When the board was full, and the ideas were slowing down, I emphasized to the sisters that this was the kind of marriage that we were talking about when discussing eternal marriage. This is the kind of relationship that is part of Heavenly Father's plan for the happiness of His children. This is the goal that we - all of us - were working for whether we were single or married, newlyweds or married for sixty years.

I then had a sister read the entire section 1 from the lesson.

There is no ordinance connected with the Gospel of Jesus Christ of greater importance, of more solemn and sacred nature, and more necessary to [our] eternal joy … than marriage.¹⁰The fullness and blessings of the Priesthood and Gospel grow out of Celestial marriage. This is the crowning ordinance of the Gospel and crowning ordinance of the temple.¹¹I want to plead to my good brethren and sisters, good members of the Church, to go to the temple to be married for time and all eternity.¹²

We talked about what makes marriage the crowning ordinance of the gospel. I pointed out that it is only after we have been baptized and received all the other ordinances of the temple that we can enter a sealing room and receive the covenant of marriage. Everything else we do in the temple leads to that sealing, the connecting of families. (Our sacrament meeting talks yesterday were about family history work and the Plan of Salvation, and I thought that was perfect, because they emphasized the importance of families!)

In section 2, I had someone read the first two paragraphs:

Marriage is considered by a great many people as merely a civil contract or agreement between a man and a woman that they will live together in the marriage relation. It is, in fact, an eternal principle upon which the very existence of mankind depends. The Lord gave this law to man in the very beginning of the world as part of the Gospel law, and the first marriage was to endure forever. According to the law of the Lord every marriage should endure forever. If all mankind would live in strict obedience to the Gospel and in that love which is begotten by the Spirit of the Lord, all marriages would be eternal. …
… Marriage as understood by Latter-day Saints is a covenant ordained to be everlasting. It is the foundation for eternal exaltation, for without it there could be no eternal progress in the kingdom of God.¹³

We discussed how God's view of marriage differs from the world's view. Some things we brought up were that God intends marriage to be eternal, while for many (it was pointed out that this is NOT to say ALL), marriage is temporary, something to enter into, and if it doesn't work out, or you don't get along, then they can divorce and move on to someone else.

It was discussed at length, however, that if someone is in an abusive relationship, then that person should prayerfully decide what to do to improve their situation. People who are abusive are not going to reach the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom without serious repentance. God is not going to shackle us for all eternity to someone who demeans and belittles us.

We read paragraphs 6 and 7 of section 2:

We know what the true order of marriage is. We know the place of the family unit in the plan of salvation. We know that we should be married in the temple, and that we must keep ourselves clean and pure so as to gain the approving seal of the Holy Spirit of Promise upon our marriage unions.
We are spirit children of our Eternal Father, who ordained a plan of salvation whereby we might come to earth and progress and advance and become like him; that is, he provided a gospel plan which would enable us to have eternal family units of our own and to enjoy eternal life.¹⁶

We talked about how Eternal Marriage is part of Heavenly Father's plan, but how we - both husband and wife - have to be clean and pure and righteous in order to receive all the blessings that God wants to give us through marriage.

We continued by reading paragraphs 3 and 4 of section 3:

Nothing will prepare mankind for glory in the kingdom of God as readily as faithfulness to the marriage covenant. …
If properly received this covenant becomes the means of the greatest happiness. The greatest honor in this life, and in the life to come, honor, dominion and power in perfect love, are the blessings which come out of it. These blessings of eternal glory are held in reserve for those who are willing to abide in this and all other covenants of the Gospel.²⁰

We then talked about what it means to be true to the marriage covenant, to enter into a partnership with God, and be true to each other. We talked about how couples should continue to court each other throughout their married life, in order to remain close.

We also read the last paragraph of section 3:

In order to fulfill the purposes of our Eternal Father, there must be a union, husbands and wives receiving the blessings that are promised to those who are faithful and true that will exalt them to Godhood. A man cannot receive the fulness of the blessings of the kingdom of God alone, nor can the woman, but the two together can receive all the blessings and privileges that pertain to the fulness of the Father’s kingdom.²²

(And then we had a reprise of how people in abusive relationships shouldn't stay in those relationships in order to receive these blessings. I pointed to the list on the chalkboard. THAT was the kind of relationship we were talking about here, the "perfect" relationships - NOT abusive relationships!)

I loved section 4 of the lesson, because it helped to include those sisters who were not married. We read highlights from this section to get across the main points:

In the great plan of salvation nothing has been overlooked. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the most beautiful thing in the world. It embraces every soul whose heart is right and who diligently seeks him and desires to obey his laws and covenants. Therefore, if a person is for any cause denied the privilege of complying with any of the covenants, the Lord will judge him or her by the intent of the heart.  The gospel is a vicarious work. Jesus vicariously performed a labor for us all because we could not do it for ourselves. Likewise, he has granted to the living members of the Church that they may act as proxies for the dead who died without the opportunity of acting in their own behalf.. . . So with those who live in the stakes of Zion and in the shadows of our temples; if they are deprived of blessings in this life these blessings will be given to them during the millennium.²³

People who don't have the privilege to enter into an eternal marriage in this life will have the opportunity in the next life, vicariously in the temple, or during the millenium. We read the last paragraph with emphasis:

No one can be deprived of exaltation who remains faithful. … An undeserving husband cannot prevent a faithful wife from an exaltation and vice versa.²⁴

If your husband doesn't have the relationship he should with God, then that doesn't mean that you can't strengthen your own relationship with Him.

We talked briefly about teaching our youth to find someone who has a strong testimony of the gospel because that would greatly improve their chances (but not guarantee anything) of their being able to have that "perfect" marriage.

We read the first paragraph of section 6:

Marriage was ordained of God. It is a righteous principle when in holiness it is received and practiced. If men and women today would enter into this covenant in the spirit of humility, love and faith, as they are commanded to do, walking righteously in the ways of eternal life, there would be no divorce, no broken homes; but a happiness, a joy, beyond expression.²⁹

We then discussed how if men and women enter into the marriage covenant with love and faith, they can find joy. I mentioned how "perfect" marriage doesn't mean that there is never a disagreement; even Lehi and Sariah had disagreements once in a while (See 1 Nephi 5:2). But "perfect" means perfect in Christ, that if we both are striving to be righteous and love God with all our hearts, that we will find that peace and joy that God intended for us to have.

I closed by reading the last paragraph of section 6:

If a man and his wife were earnestly and faithfully observing all the ordinances and principles of the gospel, there could not arise any cause for divorce. The joy and happiness pertaining to the marriage relationship would grow sweeter, and husband and wife would become more and more attached to each other as the days go by. Not only would the husband love the wife and the wife the husband, but children born to them would live in an atmosphere of love and harmony. The love of each for the others would not be impaired, and moreover the love of all towards our Eternal Father and his Son Jesus Christ would be more firmly rooted in their souls.³¹

I adding my testimony to President Smith's. If everyone obeyed these principals, if everyone worked towards achieving the "perfect" marriage, then this world would truly become a wonderful place. This is the goal and the vision that we should be seeking. This is the happiness that God intended for us to find through marriage.