When Steven Doesn't Feel Well

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I hate it when my husband gets sick. I know he can't help it usually. I know that I shouldn't get upset at him, especially when he needs my sympathy and help more than ever. I still don't like it. Yesterday Steven came home from work, and without saying a word, without even letting me know that he was home (Dinner was ready; I was back in the bedroom wondering what was keeping him) he just sat down at the table for dinner. He could have sat there for five minutes before I finished what I was doing and came out to the living room and saw him. I gathered the rest of the family for dinner and we ate, but there was an oppresive silence over the table. I asked him how work went, and apparently something had happened at work and he'd had to redo some project he'd been working on. He said he was tired. He looked like he was tired- that heavy, sullen kind of tired like he wished the world would let him off for a while and he could get back on in some other universe far away. After dinner he retired to his room and started doing a crossword puzzle. I helped the kids with their dinner time chores. I helped the kids get their laundry put away. I helped the kids start cleaning the guts out of our pumpkin. When it was time for Family Home Evening I went back to invite Steven to join us, only to discover that he had gone to bed for the night. So we had FHE without him. We finished carving the pumpkin into a jack-o-lantern, but it wasn't the same without him. I finished getting the kids ready for bed and listened to their prayers and tucked the younger ones in, and turned out the lights and went to get myself ready for bed and read my scriptures in my bathroom so I wouldn't have to turn the light on and disturb his sleep. It felt lonely.

This morning he got up as usual, but he still looked and acted tired. The morning routine went as usual. He woke the kids and got them moving. We had our morning scripture reading and ate breakfast. Then he dragged himself out the front door to go to work. Apparently he didn't feel sick enough to stay home, but he didn't look well enough to me to be going to work either. Maybe he felt like he needed to go to finish that project. I don't know. It seems like this is happening more and more often lately. I miss him. I miss the cheerful, loving man that he can be when life is good. I miss the sweet husband who greets me with a kiss and a hug when he comes home and tells me about his day. I miss the loving father who enjoys playing with his children. I miss the comedian who always has a wisecrack to make me smile. I miss the companion who helps me with kids, dishes, housework, etc. when I've had a long and exhausting day dealing with temper tantrums and potty training. I hope this is just a passing bug that will pass and he will return to his normal energy and happiness.

I wonder if he is so tired because he is angry about something. Is he upset about something that happened at work or is there something that I'm doing that is causing this? Have I been neglecting him because of my worries and concerns in figuring out my new calling? What can I do to help him? Should I be trying to make him exercise for the benefit of the endorphins or whatever it is that makes people feel happier when they are getting regular exercise? How can I get him to do anything when I can hardly talk with him?

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